How To Take A Stress-Free Vacation From Your Stressful Job

Vacation is meant to be a time of respite during which you can rest and recharge – but for some, taking a break from work it’s not all it’s cracked up to be. In fact, it’s sometimes more stressful and arduous that going in to the office.

“A vacation can be stressful,” says Lynn Taylor, a national workplace expert and author of Tame Your Terrible Office Tyrant. “It really depends on the timing of the vacation, the relationship with the boss, your level of savvy in managing your work, and how you communicate. If you want to have a stress-free vacation, before you leave you need to work smart, communicate well, set limits and establish clear boundaries.”

With sufficient preparation and a clear plan—it is possible to take a stress-free vacation from your stressful job. Here’s how.

Planning.

“When you’re thinking about taking a vacation, consider timing,” Taylor says. “You won’t want to leave in the middle of project or before a big launch.” Find out in advance a mutually agreeable time from your boss so you’re not stressed while away from the office. “Some bosses prefer that you’re away when they’re away, and others prefer that you cover for them or manage in their stead,” she says. Once you plan your vacation, inform your boss of the exact dates that you’ll be away.

Preparation.

“To set yourself up for a stress-free vacation, begin preparing yourself and your team two weeks in advance,” says Meredith Haberfeld, an executive coach. “Two weeks prior to your vacation, begin a comprehensive list of all that will need to be handled in your absence, including potential issues that might arise.” Plan who will be accountable for each area on your list and discuss your plan with your boss to make sure you have his or her support. “You have to put in the time to train your vacation support well enough that you need not worry while you’re out.”

If you have people reporting to you, you should have a second-in-command, says Mary Hladio, a workplace expert and president of Ember Carriersleadership group. “This person should be able to hold down the fort for you while you’re gone—and you can do the same when he or she takes a vacation.” Your second-in-command should take notes for you at important meetings, handle urgent calls or e-mails if you cannot be reached, and make decisions or answer questions on your behalf.

“Tell everyone you work closely with that you’ll be out of the office, and inform key individuals or clients that you are well covered,” Hladio says. Provide them with a name of your second-in-command, or whoever it is that they can go to in your absences. You can even set up e-mail filters, custom ‘out of office’ messages and use email forwarding to help facilitate this process.

If you’re working on a team project, give your teammates ample notice that you’ll be out of the office and ensure that that you’ll get your part done before you go or when you return, Taylor says. “Remember that going on vacation doesn’t exempt you from work.”

Periodically remind your boss about your upcoming vacation. “Give a countdown in e-mails so he or she isn’t surprised or unprepared when you go,” Taylor says.

Then, one day before you leave, set up a meeting with your boss to review who will be handling what in your absence, and to offload all the loose ends;  any work you hoped to have finished that is not, any concerns you have about what could arise in your absence, et cetera, Haberfeld says.  “Make this offload complete, and don’t hold back, so that at the end of that meeting you can let go of the office and go on vacation responsibly with a clear mind,” she adds. “The more powerfully you do this exercise, the more fully you can enjoy your time off.”

You’ll also want to use this time to establish boundaries, Taylor says. Let your boss know that you only plan to check e-mails from “time to time.” “Be vague! This way you won’t be compelled or feel obligated to check your phone or e-mail all the time. Don’t set yourself up or pin yourself down. Too much information about your availability is bad.” Don’t make yourself too reachable on vacation—but don’t check out completely, either.

“Checking in periodically shows a level of work ethic and dedication that the best talent often has,” Taylor says. “The most successful people in corporate America don’t completely abandon their staff and senior management on vacation. So establish those ground rules, and remember that the clearer you are, the more relaxed you’ll be during this prized, unique time.”

Tell your boss and co-workers how they can reach you in case of emergency—and ask that you not be contacted at all (unless it’s urgent) on the first or last day of your vacation, Hladio says. “If you’re traveling during your time off, those travel days can be stressful enough, especially if you have children with you.” If you feel that you must stay connected while you’re on vacation—limit communication and establish a designated check-in time.

Before you leave the office—organize your desk, clear your e-mail and voicemail inboxes, tie up any remaining loose ends (even if that means putting in a little extra time before you go) and make sure your boss knows the plan. You may have to reassure him or her that everything is taken care of, Taylor says.

“Keep in mind that if you take vacation and have a boss who can revert to childlike behavior, he may feel some separation anxiety if you leave the scene without assuring him that things are under control,” she adds. “This may translate into more work. If you have this kind of demanding boss, he or she may want to be assured that all is calm on the home front through a lot of communication, which will keep you quite busy on vacation.”

The vacation.

Try not to think about work.

People often feel compelled to stay connected while they’re away so they bring their laptops to check e-mail or participate in conference calls, Hladio says. “How can one relax and focus on family or friends when you are thinking about an upcoming presentation?”

Haberfeld agrees. “Many don’t know how to set themselves up well for a vacation and therefore don’t get the opportunity to fully disengage,  either through staying wired up, available for the office, or just holding on to problems or issues that may arise while you’re out that you fear don’t have the proper person to resolve them well in your absence.”

Try to relax. If you get a call and you’re busy, don’t answer. “When colleagues call you on vacation, it’s usually a knee-jerk reaction,” Hladio says. “If you don’t respond, they’ll probably be able to figure out a solution on their own.”

If checking in periodically gives you peace of mind—do it. But don’t get too absorbed in your work on vacation. We all need some time off. Taking a break from work gives you time to clear your mind and reflect, and it ultimately boosts your productivity upon your return.

“By taking time away from work to unplug and reconnect with other people and things in your life that also make you happy, you actually come back to the workplace recharged and more productive than if you had stayed in the office for the same time period,” Hladio says. “Sometimes when we are away from the day to day we actually find solutions to problems or think of innovative ways for higher performance.”

Use the time to catch up on sleep, read a new book, and spend time with friends or family. “Let your vacation be a stark reminder that you have control over your level of relaxation—and apply that at work when you return,” Taylor says.

Back to work.

You’ll need a day or two to decompress, Taylor says. Don’t schedule any meetings the first couple of days—and ask your boss and co-workers to treat your first morning back as if you were still away. Use that time to catch up on messages and settle in.

“Block time on your calendar at the beginning and end of the day so you are not overwhelmed upon returning for the first couple of days,” Hladio adds. “Then meet with your team and boss and get an update on the happenings within the office.”

Take initiative and be proactive in seeking out what you’ve missed. “Make sure you’re filled in on all the information and details of meetings and reports you missed,” Taylor says. “Go to lunch with colleagues so they can bring you up to speed.”

Some of the best thinking comes after a real mental re-set, Haberfeld concludes. Not only do you have a full tank after vacation, but the cleaned slate, fresh perspective and clarity of thought allow for innovative, quality thinking.

“Leverage that state of mind to view your projects from a broader perspective,” Taylor adds. “With a clear head, you may also have the advantage of facing any challenges at work with greater diplomacy, because you’ve had a chance to view situations more philosophically, in a more relaxed environment–and from a distance–literally.”

Workers Prefer Gifts To Small Bonuses

On more than a half dozen occasions, Forbes has generously given me gifts showing its appreciation for my work. At what used to be an annual event called Veterans Day, held for employees who had worked at the company at least five years, the Forbes family invited us to their compound in New Jersey for an all-day picnic where we got thoughtful tokens related to the picnic theme, plus small cash gifts based on the number of years we had worked at the company. I received barbecue cooking tongs one year. Another time I got a beach towel and plastic water bottle emblazoned with the Forbes logo. The family no longer celebrates Veterans Day, but in January  2012, I got a Kindle Fire as an award for writing stories that drove traffic numbers that were among the highest on Forbes.com, and this year, I got another such award, this time in the form of a $250 American Express gift card.

How did all these gifts make me feel? I wish I could say, appreciated and motivated. I was certainly happy to receive them. But—maybe I shouldn’t write this–they didn’t give me the urge to work any harder. I was most tickled by the Veterans’ Day gifts, because I realized that a colleague had to put thought and energy into finding nice things tied to a picnic theme that all of us would enjoy.

It turns out that my affection for the Forbes beach towel may be similar to what many employees feel about small gifts from their employers. Surprisingly, a recent study showed that workers felt more pleased, and motivated, when they received tangible objects rather than cash. Ray Fisman, a wonderfully thoughtful, quirky professor at Columbia Business School who has written for Forbes and who now contributes regularly to Slate and also to the Harvard Business Review, had an intriguing piece yesterday that ran in both of those publications, about a  study published last year by German and Swiss researchers showing that small, thoughtful gifts, or at least the option to receive such a gift, motivate employees more than cash gifts worth the same amount.

The researchers tested the idea at a German university’s economics library where students were recruited for the temporary job of spending half a day cataloging books for 12 euros ($15.50) an hour. Before they started, the researchers told some of the workers that they would get a seven-euro bonus, a 20% pay hike to the promised wage. Another group got a gift-wrapped water bottle worth seven euros.  In some instances the researchers even left the price tag on the bottles. The researchers gave a control group nothing aside from their salary.

What they found: Those who got the cash improved neither the speed nor the accuracy of their work. but those who got the water bottles increased their productivity by 25%, which more than paid for the cost of the bottles. A separate study showed that given the choice between cash and a water bottle, 80% would take the cash but still work harder.  So it wasn’t that the workers loved the bottles; “Rather it was the thought that counted and simply handing out a few more euros hardly takes much thought,” writes Fisman.  It seems that offering the option of a gift makes a difference to employees.

The researchers did one more version of the experiment. They gave workers a five-euro note, folded into the origami version of a little shirt, plus a two-euro coin painted with a smiley face. This gift resulted in the greatest productivity gain.

Fisman notes that the study is obviously framed around low-wage workers and a cash bonus that is quite small. Investment banks know the effects of six-figure bonuses. As Fisman writes, “it’s hard to imagine that the average Wall Street trader would work harder for a pink Cadillac than a six-figure bonus.” Obviously the stakes are higher when greater amounts of money are involved. “[G]ifts probably work best when tailored to the particular set of employees,” he notes.

For Fisman, that is the most important finding of the German study. Workers want a sense of meaning in their lives, and small, thoughtful gestures make them feel like they belong and that their bosses care about them, and that spurs motivation.  As for my response to Forbes’ gifts, I would say my motivation to do journalism comes from within and especially in this tough economic climate for my profession, I feel lucky and appreciative to have a full-time job. But if Forbes wanted to give me another water bottle, or a cash bonus, I would appreciate either gesture.

8 Tips For Dealing With Difficult People

Like the old Saturday Night Livecharacter, Debbie Downer, some people are only happy when they’re unhappy and bringing down everyone else around them too.

Here are eight tips for dealing with difficult people at work.

1.   Don’t get dragged down—The old saying is “Misery loves company.” The most important thing is to be aware of who the Debbie and David Downers are in your company and to make sure they don’t suck you into their world of negativity.  Keep your guard up!

2.   Listen—It’s tempting to just tune these people out, but this rarely stops them. If anything, they’ll talk and argue more forcefully because they’ll think nobody cares about them. The best thing to do is to use good, normal active listening techniques, as you would for anyone else.

3.   Use a time limit for venting—Remember that there is a difference between being a perpetual pessimist and having an occasional need to vent. Everybody has tough times, and sharing our feelings can make us feel better. Use the “5-minute rule” when it comes to this. Let your colleague vent for five minutes, but after that, assume that he’s entered Downer mode, and proceed with the next steps.

4.   Don’t agree—It’s tempting to try to appease Debbie Downer to make him or her stop and go away. As the person complains about benefits or the boss or whatever, you might be inclined to give a little nod of your head or a quiet “yeah” or shrug a “what can we do?” Even though these responses seem harmless, they just throw fuel on the flames.

5.   Don’t stay silent—If you are clearly listening but say nothing, Debbie Downer will interpret your silence as agreement. Worse, if others are present, they too will assume that you agree. Whether the complaint is about the boss or the benefits or the client, silence means you agree with the complainer.

6.   Do switch extremes into facts—Negative people often speak in extreme terms that match their worldviews. They talk about “never” and “always.” Your first goal is to switch them to fact-based statements.

Negative Ned: Andy is such a slacker! He’s never on time for our morning meetings. How are we supposed to hit our deadlines when he’s never here?

You: Ned, you’re clearly frustrated. I seem to remember that Andy was on time at our meetings on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of last week. He was late on Thursday and Friday. So you mean he’s late frequently, not always; right?

7.   Move to problem solving—People who whine a lot often feel powerless and believe that the situation is hopeless. Your only chance of ending their negativity is to help them to move into a problem solving mode. This doesn’t always work, but it’s the only antidote known.

8.   Cut them off—If, after all your efforts, you deem these people to be hopelessly negative, you need to cut them off. Make sure they aren’t just venting for a few minutes, make sure you weren’t previously encouraging them, make sure they can’t switch to problem solving, and then politely shut them down.

You: Can we change the subject? You’re really bumming me out. If you want to vent for a couple minutes, fine. If you want me to help you solve the problem, fine. But life is too short to wallow. Let’s move on to something else, OK?

Creating a great workplace culture should be everyone’s job. Don’t let Debbie and David Downer harm your company or your own level of engagement at work.

Seven Ways To Inspire Employees To Love Their Jobs

Smart leaders take advantage of the fact that some things never change. Take employee engagement, for example. In my book, Fire Them Up, which I wrote in 2007, I cited several studies that showed the majority of workers as being “disengaged” and hating their jobs. Unfortunately the numbers haven’t changed. In Gallup’s most recent report on the state of the American workplace, we discover that only 30 percent of the U.S workforce is engaged in their work. In other words, they love their jobs. Seventy percent are “not engaged” or “actively disengaged,” meaning they hate their jobs or, at best, are unenthusiastic about their roles (Forbes staff writer Susan Adams did a nice job of explaining the survey’s details).

Most of these disengaged employees are looking for inspiration. They are searching for meaning and they want to have someone or something to believe in. They want to make a difference and they’re looking to you—their team leader—for inspiration. Six years ago I proposed a model for becoming an inspiring leader after interviewing more than 50 leaders running some of the world’s most admired brands. The 7 qualities they all share are worth revisiting today.

Inspiring leaders express a passionate commitment to serving their team. When I interviewed Starbucks  CEO Howard Schultz, I was struck by the fact that he used the word “passion” constantly. He wasn’t as passionate about ‘coffee’ as much as he was about treating his employees with dignity and respect. Schultz learned very early in his career that happy employees lead to happy customers. More recently I had the opportunity to spend some time with Virgin founder Sir Richard Branson. In this video Branson expresses his passion for his team and his commitment to giving them all of the tools they need to elevate customer service.

Inspiring leaders communicate a bold, specific, and consistent vision. Most employees—especially the Millennial generation—want more than a paycheck. They want to feel as though their work has meaning. They need to see how their jobs or projects connect to the big picture. In this column, I talked about my dinner with Neil Armstrong and what he taught me about the power of vision to move a brand (and society) forward.

Inspiring leaders sell the benefit behind their ideas. Few people care about the “how” until they know “why” they are doing what they are being asked to do. The lobbies of venture capital firms are littered with the dashed dreams of would-be entrepreneurs who had good ideas but failed to inspire investors because they could not clearly communicate the benefit behind their product or idea. Employees, too, want to understand the benefit. People are inspired when they know exactly how your initiative, product, or idea will improve their lives. Remember, effective communication is not about you. It’s about them.

Inspiring leaders tell powerful, memorable, and actionable stories. Inspiring communicators are storytellers. Incorporate stories in your conversations, emails, and presentations. I recently met with a top executive at one of the largest companies in the world. He was preparing for a major speech he delivered this week to an audience of world leaders. His speechwriter was in the room as well as his assistants and presentation design experts. After I listened to his first run-through, I said, “Where’s your voice?” He had a great message, compelling facts and figures, but no personal stories. Once he added his own stories the presentation came alive.

Inspiring leaders invite feedback. One of the astonishing success stories I’ve ever come across is Griffin Hospital in Derby, Connecticut. Griffin transformed itself from a troubled organization in the 1980s to one of the best places to work in the country and a role model for hundreds of hospitals across America. Griffin CEO Patrick Charmel told me that he began to ask for honest feedback from employees, doctors, nurses, patients, and former patients. He listened and gave people what they asked for. Today Griffin is committed to transparency and open, honest communication between leadership and staff. Everything is shared—the good and bad news. Employees are involved in every major decision. Most important, senior leaders make it a point to solicit feedback regularly.

Inspiring leaders act as beacons of hope. Successful leaders are more optimistic than average. They act bravely and speak with courage and confidence about the future. They see the world differently. Where many see gloom, despair, tumult and turbulence, inspiring leaders see a bright, positive world full of hope and joy. They echo the sentiment in Matt Ridley’s book, The Rational Optimist, where Ridley argues that life on earth is getting better and doing so at an accelerating rate. In an earlier column, I detailed the five reasons why optimists make better leaders. In the article I tell the story of Intel  co-founder Robert Noyce who started the company in one of the worst recessions since the Great Depression. According to Noyce, “optimism is an essential ingredient of innovation. How else can the individual welcome change over security, adventure over staying in safe places?”

Inspiring leaders praise people and encourage them to be their best selves. Richard Branson once said, “When you lavish praise on people, they flourish; criticize and they shrivel up.” When I spent a day with Branson I noticed that he gave compliments constantly—to his staff, crew, and airport personnel. He walks the talk.

You might be a leader who shares each of these qualities. It doesn’t mean that every one of your employees will love you and their jobs. A high percentage of the 70 percent of employees who are “disengaged” might simply be in the wrong job and no amount of motivation will help. But read the last quality carefully—inspiring leaders encourage people to be their best selves. These leaders take a genuine interest in people as individuals. They talk to their employees about their hopes, dreams, and interests. They encourage employees to change jobs if they must or seek out positions within or outside the company that best suits their passion and skills.

I’m genuinely saddened to read the 2013 Gallup survey of the workplace. The statistics don’t seem to change. A majority of employees hate their jobs—year after year. I am encouraged, however, to discover more and more leaders who take their responsibility seriously and who are genuinely committed to inspiring their teams and their customers. We need more inspiring leaders if we hope to raise the level of employee engagement in corporate America. Why shouldn’t it start with you?

How To Deal With Startup Failure: Reload

There’s no sugar coating startup failure – it sucks.  It’s the most heartbreaking part of being a founder, when your dreams and aspirations are traded for heartbreak and anxiety.
I was sitting down with a fellow Founder talking about his business that went from $30 million in sales to bankruptcy in less than 6 months.  Just a few months ago he was in the final throes of losing everything he had.  Today in our offices he was seeking advice to launch his next startup with a fury.
I couldn’t be more proud of him.  He didn’t cry about failure, he just reloaded which is exactly the right answer.  Frankly, it’s the only answer.

What Startup Failure Looks LikeFailure isn’t about just losing money.  Failure is deeply emotional and personal.  It’s the startup equivalent of losing a child.  Founders don’t simply tally up their losses and walk away like a bad night at the poker table.  It’s much more awful.
Failure is knowing your friends aren’t asking about your startup because they already know you’ve failed.  That’s worse.
Failure is knowing you’re the punchline of community gossip, sometimes from fellow Founders who might have a right to joke, and mostly from those that don’t.
Failure is the brutal reminder of the most exciting day you had fantasizing about changing the world.  It’s then perverted by having that memory forever kicked in the crotch by colossal failure.
Failure is rarely about the money.  You were probably broke when you started.  It’s about a loss of your motivation, and in this case, what to do about it.
Another entrepreneur, Sean Percival, recently wrote a fantastic essay about the perils of winding up a startup, particularly around the “Series A Crunch“.  When I asked him about his personal feelings about the matter he was very candid.

“For me the moment of failure and moving on was actually met with a great relief. These businesses can really start to crush you so I often hear a founder express relief instead of defeat at that turning point moment. Of course that’s followed with some sadness when you realize you won’t be building that idea anymore. Just let that run its course and get ready to build again.”

Anxiety Can Be A Powerful AllyAnxiety, however, can be a powerful motivator.  It’s often a terrible, awful kind of energy that rots you to the core while accomplishing nothing useful.  That’s unless you judo move that energy into something that powers you toward something positive.
You can stay up all night with your anxiety and a glass of vodka, or you can stay up all night with your laptop and your next great idea.  Let’s face it – either way you’re going to be up all night.
You can spend your time having uncomfortable conversations with your friends and colleagues about why your startup tanked, or you can spend your time talking about why your next idea will be amazing.  You can already guess which conversation they would prefer.
It’s a matter of how you spend that nervous energy – rehashing mistakes or plotting your next victory.

Harness your Anxiety – ReloadThe best way to cope is to reload.  Just start again.  Get your focus on something other than failure and work even harder (yes, it’s possible).
That may be surprising, because on the way to failure you’ve likely worked yourself into panic attacks and clinical sleep depravity.  You’re probably worn to nothing.  That’s perfectly OK.
Reloading isn’t about working yourself into more debt or physical deprivation, it’s about redirecting your high alert energy into something positive.  The energy is going to be there – it’s in all of us.  How you use that energy is what matters.
The Founder that just left my office isn’t thinking about having just lost $30 million today.  He’s thinking about how to make the next $30 million.  He’s exactly where he’s supposed to be.

'What's The Best Way To Reach My Customers?'

Here’s a question I get a lot, in one form or another: “What is the best way to market  my company?”

When people ask that, they are expecting me to say something like “targeted Internet ads; better collaterial material; less scattershot approaches.”

Well, I am not that smart.  When it comes to marketing, I haven’t figured out a one-size-fits-all  approach that actually works.

But I do know this. No matter what approach you take, it needs to appeal to BOTH sides of your customers’ brains.  The logical part as well as their emotions.

Everyone gets the “logical” part intutively.  Of course, you want to give customers a concrete reason for doing business with you. You offer high quality. Faster service. Lower prices. Whatever.

But I strongly suggest you wrap those rational messages in emotional clothing. No, I am not talking about showing lots of kittens and toddlers for no good reason. I am advocating you have a very clear central idea that is simple to communicate and understand, one that contains a bit of humor, surprise emotion, feelings or whatever.

Yes, your customers are customers (or potential customers.) But they are also people. And people get bored with a just-the-facts-approach.  And bored people buy less.

3 Strategies For Keeping Your Cool At Work

You get a rude email from a co-worker.

You read it once and start to feel annoyed, then you read it again, just to make sure. Yes: It’s obnoxious. So, you hit “reply” and start dashing out a response to set the record straight, feeling your blood rise with every keyboard stroke.

Sound familiar? Whether it’s getting angry with an annoying colleague, getting frazzled by a problem in a project, or just getting frustrated by little speed bumps in the day, there will be times when something minor grates on you in the office. And, like me, your first instinct may be to get angry, to snap, or to react.

But there’s a better way to handle these moments. First—of course—don’t send emails when you’re upset. But more importantly, you have to relentlessly remind yourself to keep a level-headed perspective on the job.

I know—easier said than done. But next time something gets to you, try one of these three simple techniques for staying cool, calm, and collected.

1. Ask Yourself How Important it Is

When I find my blood pressure rising and I start to lose my perspective, I ask myself this simple question: Will I care about this in five years? As I stare at whatever email I’ve just received or whatever presentation I’m working on, the answer is almost always a definitive no. Usually, I will have moved on from it in a month.

This rhetorical question is not an excuse to become complacent on the job, but it provides me with the outlook I need to step away from my desk when I’m feeling agitated, get some fresh air, or boost my blood sugar with a snack. Then, I can return to what I’m doing and—with the keen awareness that I’m not facing wartime disaster—do my best to keep calm and carry on.

2. Don’t Take Anything Personally

I know what you’re thinking: everything is personal. And it’s always the sleaziest business executives—at least in the movies—who say things like: “It’s just business; don’t take it personally.”

But there is something you can learn from trying to gain this perspective when you’re feeling overwhelmed, attacked, or frustrated. The case for this mentality is made best in The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, who explains how he implements this way of thinking:

Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally. Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind; they are in a completely different world from the one we live in. When we take something personally, we make the assumption that they know what is in our world, and we try to impose our world on their world.

Even when a situation seems so personal, even if others insult you directly, it has nothing to do with you. What they say, what they do, and the opinions they give are according to the agreements they have in their own minds.”

There are times when you may feel like a less-than-friendly email or snappy comment from your boss has something to do with your performance. And there are certainly times when this may be the case. But more often than not, the people you work with have their own daily stressors that influence how they’re interacting with the world—things that, as Ruiz points out, have nothing to do with you.

3. Feed the Right Wolf

We are all vulnerable to something called negativity bias, which means that the bad events of the day are more memorable than the good ones. But just because it’s our natural tendency to dwell on the negative doesn’t mean we can’t push back against it.

In her book Taking the Leap, Pema Chödrön illustrates the negative and positives sides of ourselves as two hungry wolves fighting in our hearts. She asks readers to think of the wolf who wins the fight as the wolf who we choose to feed.

Most of us have gotten so good at empowering our negativity and insisting on our rightness that the angry wolf gets shinier and shinier, and the other wolf is just there with its pleading eyes. But we’re not stuck with this way of being. When we’re feeling resentment or any strong emotion, we can recognize that we are getting worked up, and realize that right now we can consciously make the choice to be aggressive or to cool off. It comes down to choosing which wolf we want to feed.”

You can choose to focus on the minor frustrations of your day—or, you can choose to focus on finding meaning in your work. This can feel impossible when you’re consumed by something on the job, but try to pause and reflect on what’s really important to you. In that moment, you may be able to channel your energy in another direction—to switch gears and work on a project you really care about or to simply take a moment to remind yourself what you appreciate about your job.

Work will never be free from stressors or annoyances, but you’re always in a position to manage how well you handle them. If do your best to maintain perspective when things get heightened, you’ll find yourself not getting bogged down by the details of the day, and instead, rising above them.